Kindred Spirits
by Deanna.Price
Summary: "For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." -Judy Garland Starscream sees himself in the one thing he would never expect—a human. Starscream/oc. Friendship/Angst. Takes place in TFP.


Kindred Spirits

Summary: _"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." -Judy Garland_ Starscream sees himself in the one thing he would never expect—a human. Starscream/oc. Friendship/Angst.

Chapter 1: The Throes of Ambition

_"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through the experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." -Helen Keller_

Ambition does not come to us easily, not because it does not wish to find us, but because when it does we take it in only to expel it from our bodies and minds with the utmost contempt. Because when met with ambition we realize we are unable to embrace it, and on some subconscious level do not want to, for ambition requires self sacrifice. And self sacrifice is not something sentient beings are willing to co-mingle with. We cannot comprehend our reluctance towards the thing we all strive to discover, however, we know in our hearts how difficult it is to obtain. And it is for that reason we both loathe and hold great admiration for those who achieve it.

We look upon those who have managed to grasp their ambition and follow them without hesitation to help them achieve such that drives them, hoping that perhaps in the process of lifting them up towards their success we can obtain a piece of whatever pushed them forward. But what we forget is that ambition visits us all, though only a few are strong enough to reach out and take it, to hold onto it and let it inspire them. But such strength does not come simply, and exists only through the soul. Because only the soul is strong enough to harness such.

The soul does many things that people mistake as the workings of the heart. But a mere physical object could never hope to hold the essence of a living, thinking, feeling being. To even suggest that one's whole character manifests from something so..._simple_, is both an insulting and ignorant assumption. The _**soul **_ is everything that we are, and everything we will ever be. It is a fragile, malleable little thing, forever changeable, yet never by any will but its own. And how could such a fragile vessel possibly be expected to house and harness that which is ambition? Because as we've realized ambition requires self sacrifice, not necessarily of one's belongings or ideals, but of one's essence-their very being. Ambition is so fierce and driving that it extinguishes the light in our souls, though that may not necessarily be its intention. For ambition does not wish to destroy us, but merely seeks a fire that is strong enough to fuel it, a light that will not dim beneath its shadow, but burn brightly and encompass it within its everlasting glow.

Often we find ourselves filled with jealously when we look towards those powerful enough to harness this gift, however, maybe if we looked deeper, perhaps jealously would not be so predominant, but instead pity might be the thing to make its way into our hearts.

Pity, because those who keep ambition with them do not possess anything more. Through the experience of pain and suffering the soul is strengthened, but only because one discards all that once made it weak.

Ambition takes root in those who have nothing left, that are filled with emptiness, looking for something to make them whole again. For only the strongest of souls can take ambition-which, ironically enough, also happen to be the most broken of them all.

Starscream was one who knew this well-or rather, was reminded of this every time he allowed him self to sit upon the throne he had once been so passionate in taking. Because though he had achieved what he had always strived for, finally received what he had so forever desired, there was a empty feeling deep within him where there should have lay satisfaction. Whenever he rested his body in his throne he couldn't help but realize how it swallowed his small frame, always leaving him bitterly aware of how it had been originally crafted for someone besides himself. But there he sat anyway just as he had always envisioned. However, it was always wrong, something always terribly amiss. Because though it was exactly as he planned, it also was not.

He gaze traveled over every piece of the room in which he sat as he duly noted beauty. Decorated in reds and golds, extravagant and dramatic. It was extraordinary. Everything just as it should be, just as he had imagined, except...there were no others to appreciate it with him. He was the only one that resided in the lonely room, that now appeared so much less than extravagant. There were no loyal guards, or groveling subjects bowing before his awesomeness, not even any frightened servants for him to order about. He was..._alone._ This was **_not_** how it was supposed to be. ...but he had what he desired...didn't he?

He rose from his throne, confused and deeply disturbed. He didn't understand, couldn't comprehend-why was it that he had felt more whole while he was still pursuing his dream, struggling to gain that which he always desired? At least then he had, had the fire inside him, driving him forward, always giving him some reason or another to keep moving towards his goal. But now...that fire was gone, and the fulfillment he thought he might feel in place of it was missing.

He had **_nothing._** He _**felt**_ nothing.

_"Is it always as you've dreamed it would be, Starscream?"_

The seeker turned fast, stumbling over his peds as his optics fell upon a sight that had his spark rattling in its casing.

Because there before him stood his greatest nightmare, the ghost of a past he never wished to revisit.

_"_**_No_**." he hissed, wings folding flat against his back in a familiar show submission. It was an unintentional, but reflexive reaction that he could not control through years of conditioning-something that left Starscream feeling bitter. _"How are you, how could you possibly be-_

_"Even when you believe yourself finally rid of me, Starscream, I will always be with you." _ Megatron explained patiently, as he smiled at his pet in spite.

_"Is there truly no way to permanently remove you from this universe?"_ he cried, anger and frustration causing his frame to shake with anxiety.

Megatron moved toward him, slow and deliberate in his pace. He laughed humorlessly as circled the seeker with a thoughtful expression. _"It it not that I_ **_cannot_** _be destroyed, Starscream. Because everything can be destroyed. It is that you yourself cannot find the power to completely rid yourself of me. You_ **_need_** _me."_

Fear filled his optics, wings trembling along his back as he distanced himself from the warlord warily. _"No...that is not-_

Megatron cut him off with another sharp bark of laughter, casually brushing past the _'prince'_ towards the golden throne, now dimmed gray beneath his shadow. Starscream flinched at his touch, watching dejectedly as his adversary fell back into the chair with familiar ease. Because that was the warlords place, had always been his place, something it seemed Starscream could never rip away from him. The raging inferno began to fill up the emptiness inside him once again, and he clenched his servos, standing tall with a new determination. _"Just look around you, Starscream, look within. Without me you have_ _**nothing**_. _Without me you __**are**_ _nothing._"

_"And that is why you will always need me."_

And though Starscream's mind venomously denied it, it was something his spark would always know to be true.

* * *

Red, glowing optics shuttered open with blurred perspective. Starscream moaned pitifully as he shook his head, trying to sort out his processor. Everything was a confusing mess, a jumble of worlds, and once again he was left ignorant to the truth he had learned upon waking. An endless cycle. He pulled himself up on his feet, lost and disoriented as he attempted to determine his position. 'Where...?' Images whirled through his processor as he tried to recall what had transpired. Then is dawned on him. _Betrayal._ He had been betrayed, used, and cast aside. Something he was not unfamiliar with, but unused to being on the receiving end of. Starscream clenched his servos, scowling hatefully.

Those pathetic humans had turned against him and- A distinct whirring sounded in his audials causing the seeker to freeze in his thoughts, wings perking up, and tensing along his back. Shuffling forward nervously, he bent over the edge of the cliff, looking down from his perch on the hillside. His wings trembled in fear as he watched a ground bridge materialize. "Autobots!" he hissed quietly, stepping back into the dark woods with as much stealth as his large frame would allow him. He pulled his arms up, going through the motions of transformation...only...

"My t-cog!"

He stood there dumbly for a moment, unable to comprehend. Then, as the reality of the situation finally began to sink in, he felt a cold kind of fear, a new level of helplessness that he had never experienced before. **_He was grounded_**. His t-cog, his _**wings**_. He could not fly. He could _**not**_- Starscream felt his systems churn as he took several frightened steps backward, unable to even finish the thought. His body shook with anxiety while he tried to force his mind to be calm. Everything felt so small around him, so closed in-he was _**trapped**_. Trapped on this miserable dirt like a helpless ground pounder. He cried out miserably, a small, pathetic sound, wings folding flat against his back as he suddenly felt the strong urge to curl up inside himself. But heavy steps made themselves known, and Starscream, still shaken, moved his legs slowly at first. Then, he turned abruptly, running as fast and silent as his legs would carry him through the thick wood. Because survival prevailed above all else-even his wings.

He ran blindly, still panicked and frightened over his loss of flight, his sense of survival the only thing pushing him forward.

He yelped as he stumbled into a tree, tripping over his peds in his haste. Catching himself, he finally stopped, air cycling heavily through his intakes as he allowed himself to lean back against the powerful bark of the trunk. Servos shaking, he forced his wings to relax on his back, only a slight minutely twitch giving away his agitation. He **_would_** regain his t-cog. _'I_ _will fly again. I will fly again. I will fly again._' Optics tightly shut, he kept very still as he allowed his fear to slowly dissipate, calming himself with that reassuring thought.

But as the fear went, resentment and anger began to fill him to the brim. Angry for being made to feel so frightened—so helpless. He shouldn't have even been in the position he was in now; scrounging for energon, running from autobots—missing his t-cog! And it was all because of _him!_

_**Megatron—**_ everything, _EVERYTHING_ was because of _him_. The gladiator who had once inspired him with words of power and promise...

Starscream shuttered his optics, disgusted with himself as unbidden memories invaded his processor.

Memories that belonged to one that was no longer him.

_"Do you hear him, Skyfire!?" _

_"All the things I've told you-all the things we've ever talked about!" _

Starscream flinched at the memory's intrusion, unwanted feelings and sensations filling him. _No_, not now. He had to focus—think—survive. Because in the end that's all that mattered. To finally realize his goal he had to survive.

The sound of a car engine approaching pulled him away from his musings. How long had he been lost in thought?

Panick momentarily seized him as he watched from his dark spot within the trees, thinking how it might be mech returning for him. But as the car pulled up, he relaxed-just an ordinary human. A man. He was dressed casually, his brown-black hair slightly disheveled, small beady black eyes darting around anxiously. He surveyed the area with cautious motions, then once he seemed sure that it was uninhabited, he turned back to the car to open a door on the opposite side. His expression twisted into something dark as he reached in the vehicle.

"Get the fuck out!" he snarled viciously, yanking out another human by the back of its white coverings. Starscream watched curiously as he threw this new, smaller human to the ground roughly. He looked more fragile than other humans the seeker had come across, tall and skinny like a birch tree. But not like he was supposed to be. It looked unnatural-wrong on his frame. His cheeks were sunken in, blue eyes tired, flat and dull. So thin and bony looking. Though even if he had been the proper size Starscream doubted he would be any bigger than man before him. The size difference between the two to great-no even proper sized he would have been undoubtedly smaller.

_Of course._

It was then that Starscream realized-this human was still only a sparkling.

Starscream's optics whirred and zoomed in on the scene, surprised at the brutality the older human was displaying toward his creation-assuming the larger male was his creator. Weren't humans supposed to cherish their young?

But nothing about this human's gaze reflected love. Instead he saw deep resentment, and an uncontrollable anger-and hidden carefully beneath it all a never ending sadness.

"Get the fuck up, you little prick!" The tiny child bowed his head submissively, cautiously moving to raise himself from the dirt. He gazed up at his abuser warily, every move he made executed with calculated precision. He looked upon him, but avoided direct eye contact. Body posture was meek, eyes pathetically wide and teary—yet behind them he could see the gears turning, constantly analyzing, always watching and planning even through the pain. Starscream's processor stalled, understanding washing over his being. This human—this _boy_—knew how to play. And from the looks of it he was well versed in the game. Because this human knew what it took to survive. "I didn't mean-

"Shut up! It's your fault-everything-it's always been your fault." the man hissed, his fist flying forward to knock the boy back into the mud. _Pain. Anger. Spite._

_It was punishment._

"D-dad, I'm sorry. I can be better—I promise!"

_"Megatron, forgive me, my lord! I was foolish! I will not fail you again—I swear it!"_

The human growled, delivering two swift kicks to the boy's side in response. The child cried out, curling up pathetically as he clutched his stomach. However, the position did not last long as he was yanked up by the back of his hair. "P-please..." he whimpered softly when the man's hand wrapped around his throat.

_"Megatron, have mercy!"_

"You look just like her-and I _**hate **_it. You-I can't even look at you. You're face makes me sick." One hand around his windpipe his abuser squeezed, raising his other as he slapped the child across the face. And then he pulled his hand back and slapped him again. And again. And again. And again, until the delicate flesh was red and raw beneath his offending palm. Starscream optics narrowed suddenly then, burning with a deep hatred, as a low growl erupted from his vocalizer. Because in that moment Starscream didn't see two filthy humans—he saw his tormentor, his most loathed adversary. But more importantly Starscream saw _**himself**_. And it angered him, it angered him more than being at the receiving ends of Megatron's blows—because watching, oh yes, watching was so much worse.

Rage and resentment encouraging him, he reached forward from where he had been hiding as his claws curled around the disgusting human's body. He heard a yelp of surprise, soon followed by a scream and string of curses. "And just _what_ do we have here?" he hissed bitterly, unable to hide the venom in his voice.

"P-please don't-

He squeezed lightly around the human in his servos, eliciting another scream from his vocal cords. He took pleasure in the pain that filled the man's eyes, imagining that it would be Megaton in his place. However, when he heard a distinct crack he immediately loosened his grip—after all he didn't want the fun to end so abruptly. His eyes glimmered with sick satisfaction.

A gasp filled the air.

Starscream froze, optics shuttering in surprise as he turned toward the noise. Then, he remembered. 'Of course, the human sparkling.' How could he have forgotten? He inclined his head towards the child curiously, slightly amazed that he still remained.

"Are you just going to stand there you disgusting, little human, or are you too pathetically stupid to comprehend that I am to be your end?" And he almost meant it too. The boy didn't respond though-didn't move, just stayed sprawled across the dirt in disbelief.

Irritated, he tried again to gain some sort of reaction. "Didn't you hear me? I'm going to kill you and your creator."

The child's eyes narrowed suddenly at that and he pressed his lips together thinly looking conflicted. "Yes, I know."

Starscream blinked in surprise. "Then I suppose you have no sense in you. Stupid, useless human. ...unless...ah yes that's it, isn't it?"

_Because Starscream knew._

"You want to watch." He laughed darkly, and the human in his hands squirmed uneasily. "Of course, I bet you've been waiting for this moment for your whole insignificant life. Well far be it from me to disappoint you-watch as he suffers by my hand."

The man sneered down at the child nastily, his eyes promising pain. "David, you little fuck! You-

_David._ So that was the little human's designation.

"Silence, disgusting creature" Starscream hissed, squeezing in warning.

He raised a clawed hand to the body in his grasp, eyes bright with glee. "I'll enjoy terminating you." And enjoy it he would-but he stopped suddenly halfway through, an idea hitting him. Afterall, why should he have all the fun? "But..." He looked to the child-to _David-_with expectancy.

"But perhaps it shouldn't be left up to me alone." his mouth twisted into a demented grin, "Do you think you'd truly be able to act on your desires now that they have finally been set before you?" he challenged.

"Go ahead, boy. You choose his fate. I'm giving you what you've always wanted-a one time offer." His gazed at the boy meaningfully, fully intending for his words to send him scrambling back to wherever he came from in fear.

But instead he observed him acutely, serious eyes watching him with an intensity that didn't suit the rest of his childish features. He stood up slowly, his gaze never wavering as he took a step forward.

"Then bind him."

The seeker looked amused by the unexpected response. "Excuse me?" he laughed.

"If you're serious, " the little one repeated again, his expression morphing into something darker as he clenched his fists at his side. "Bind him." he hissed.

Impressed that the boy still stood his ground, Starscream grinned. "Alright." he said. Then, without warning, he dropped the human from his grasp-a distance of a least fifteen feet. David watched with satisfaction as he hit the ground and cried out, Starscream bowing dramatically-happy to put on a show.

The seeker turned around breaking a branch off a nearby tree and slamming it down into one of the human's limbs-then another and another piercing each tiny appendage. The male screamed out, wriggling and gasping on the ground as his body convulsed in pain.

At first David hesitated, the sudden gruesome act catching him off guard. And for a moment the boy watched his father wiggling in pain, mixed emotions filling him. His _father._ But he wasn't, not really. It didn't mean anything. It was just a title that linked them together-father and son-something that forced them to hold certain responsibilities towards each other. It wasn't real-just a word with no meaning, at least not anymore.

"D-david!" he called out miserably, dark eyes glazed over in pain-a look of helplessness in their depths that David had never witnessed. But his eyes held no sympathy for the man that once was his father, no longer afraid of what he knew he had to do. "D-david, please..." he begged, tears streaming down his cheeks.

David strode forward slowly, his gaze cold and sure. Finally, he stopped before him staring hard. "I-I'm sorry. So sorry son." His fists clenched and he grit his teeth together, fire burning in his eyes at the declaration. "**_Sorry_**, you're not sorry."

"You're just scared." He knelt before him, grabbing a particularly sharp stone from the dirt. "But I'm not."

_Not anymore._

And as he pulled his hand back, Starscream smiled.

* * *

It was quiet for a long time.

David sat beside the bloody corpse, knees pulled up to his chest as he stared at the mess, his mind strangely calm as his heart beat fast.

_Was it murder if they deserved it? _

Starscream observed him soundlessly, leaning back against the trunk of a tree as he feigned disinterest. "Quite a dark little mind you have, don't you?"

"…"

The boy was silent, gazing at the seeker blankly, before lowering his eyes to stare at his feet. "It was what he deserved."

_It was his punishment-not murder-a punishment._

Starscream watched him knowingly, "Are you trying to justify yourself to _**me**_?" He laughed jeeringly, observing the child with amusement. "Don't try to pretend you're any better than him."

_No, not better. Because he was the same._

He pressed his lips together, eyes burning with hatred at the reminder. "I'm not pretending to be anything. I know what I've done, what that makes me." The boy rocked backwards on his feet, smiling suddenly with contempt. "I don't regret it." he hissed, "And I'd do it again, and again. No matter how many times I had to until he was dead."

_And he would. He would punish him again and again. _

_Just like he had been punished._

"You've had it in your mind for a while now, haven't you human?"

_Punishment._

"What are you _talking_ about?"

"It's what drove you. You made it into a game, except it was one you couldn't lose."

_Revenge._

"I-

"Everyday you suffered, thinking of what you would do to him when you gained the upper-hand. You knew you would make him pay." He smiled cruelly, "And you've finally done it for yourself, and you don't regret a thing. I applaud you."

_Did he?_

David was quiet for a moment, raising cold, blue eyes to glare at Starscream bitterly. "You're wrong—about one thing at least."

"Oh?"

"It wasn't for me."

_It had never been._

...

Starscream was careful when he spoke next. "I know." the other whispered, a true kind of understanding slipping through all his bitterness. "...though tell me, how does it feel to have that which you always desired?"

When the two looked at each other again something had changed, because in that moment they weren't so different. They were two broken souls, but only now one of them knew it.

"_Empty."_

Because with ambition gone, what was left?

A/N: So, what do you guys think so far? This is mostly a self reflection story made for the purpose of exploring Starscream's character and a bit of his past. David helps in doing that as Starscream sees himself in the one thing he would never expect—a human. Every chapter will explore a different theme based off a chosen quote and tell a story on how each of their lives pertains to it. A lot of flashbacks will be taking place. In this chapter, the beginning reflects on Starscream's relationship with Megatron. It is Megatron that fuels him, because without Megatron Starscream is empty. He has nothing, because truly Starscream is broken. But Megatron also builds him back up by giving him the will to survive in order to enact his revenge. In his dream you see how Starscream finally received what he desired...and you can also see how he felt after there was nothing left for him to achieve, and how his achievements weren't as brilliant as he imagined. David's scene reflects this also. Except his scenario wasn't a dream. David is glad his father is dead, however, with his father gone he feels as though he lost a large part of himself. He spent so many years planning and revolving his whole existence on his revenge against his father to make himself whole, that once it was finally done-he had nothing left. There was no other life for him to return to besides his own nothingness and self loathing... Starscream and him are alike in that way. Of course they are alike on other ways as well, but we'll delve into that more in another chapter where plots will unravel! Any feedback would be really appreciated. Criticism is encouraged.


End file.
